Retrospective
by 100TenMillion
Summary: The sequel to 'children waiting for the day'. The people that have been affected by Heather the most learn of her fate. Told in the first person, each chapter is told from a different character's POV.
1. Chapter 1

Retrospective

**Looking Back, I Realize… After all this time, all the bad things you did to me no longer even bother me now.**

I comb my hair, the last part of my daily morning routine. Today is a special day for me; I'm going on a trip, to visit my aunt Deborah in Newfoundland. "Bye honey, I'll be back in a week."-I tell my husband, Duncan. He wanted to come with me, but he had a very important job to do. My husband was a cop, a good one at that. So, I simply told him I would go by myself, that I didn't mind.

The plane trip was exhausting. Three hours sitting down? Doing very little? Should have bought a book at the airport. The only thing on TV right now is this stupid talk show. Who's the host? He looks familiar.

It had been a while since I had seen my aunt. Last time, I was getting married. That was 2 years ago. A visit was well overdue. I was actually rather excited. I even brought some magazines from when I was on the show…

I climb the stairs to her apartment. On the way, I pass this little girl who was sitting on the top steps of my aunt's floor. I don't know what to do in this situation, but maybe I should not approach the child. I am a stranger to her, after all.

I knock on the door. My aunt opens it. Her face seemed worried, but when she saw me, it lit u. "GWEN!!!! It's been years!!!" I hug her. "Hi auntie! I brought everything you wanted with me!" She leads me into her living room. 'So, how's Duncan? Are you two getting along?"- She asks me. Her face then brightens up even more when she says "Any children on the way?" I blush, and say "Auntie, it's too early for that!' She shakes her head, and says "It's never too early for children! But there IS a too late!!!" I laugh a little "Maybe down the road. Maybe. But not now."

I pick up a magazine, and show it to her. "Here, this is from when I was on that show." I gave her the article. It was an article promoting the show, giving brief bios on all 22 campers. It was circulated the day Total Drama Island premiered. It even included the Home school's biography, in spite of the fact that he got eliminated that same week. My aunt pointed to my picture, and said "Every day I thank God you got over that blasted Goth phase. You looked so scary!!!" I nudged her. "Auntie, I was just trying to be true to myself!" She looks at me, and says 'It's just, it was such a shame that the world had to look at you wearing those grim looking clothes, and that awful make up. You are such a pretty girl. But now, you are a beautiful woman!" I had long abandoned my Goth look. Nowadays, I went with my natural brown hair. People tell me I look better this way. Even Duncan thinks I look prettier.

"Wow! Is that Duncan? He looks so… funny!!" Duncan had also changed a little. He has gotten rid of his piercings, and his mohawk's gone too. He wears his hair short, with its natural black color. "Who's this?" She points to Trent. 'Oh, just an old friend."-I told her. Which was, in many ways, the truth. "What a pretty girl"- she points to Lindsay. Everyone says that about her.

"Huh? This is… can't be…"- Her face falls. "What's wrong, auntie?" She points to a picture of Heather, and says "I know her." My aunt had not seen the show, she didn't get that channel. Plus, she hates the tabloid media, and voided it like the plague. If she wanted to know anything, she would ask me directly. So, how could she know Heather?

I ask her- "How do you know her?" She tells me with a sad look on her face "She's my neighbor. Such a sweet girl." Wow. Heather? Sweet? Can't be the same person we're talking about. "Yes, this is her. No doubt about it. She looks a little younger here, but I still recognize her. Such a nice girl she is. Always talking to us, always a smile on her face. She and her husband are the nicest people I know." The Heather I know is NOTHING like my aunt describes. In fact, she is the exact opposite. I still feel like spitting every time I speak her name.

The little girl I saw earlier walks in. "Megan! Come, sit down, I'll prepare a little snack for you." The little girl nods, and says "Th-th-th-thaankoo" Aww, how cute!!! "Auntie, who's she? She's adorable!" My aunt says 'Her name is Megan. That's Heather's daughter. She looks so much like her mother." I look closely at Megan' face. She DOES have a resemblance to Heather. However, that still does not convince me that the Heather I knew, and the Heather my aunt knows are the same person.

Megan looks at the magazine, and screams "Mommy!!!! Mommy!!!" That did it. Now I knew, they ARE the same person. Kids recognize their parents, they don't tend to confuse them with look alikes. I am now amazed at the information I had received his afternoon.

I think back to those days. Wow, how things change, how people change. I used to be an antisocial Goth. Duncan used to be a punk. Geoff used to be a nice guy. Courtney used to tolerable. Beth used to be so desperate. Lindsay used to be stupid. And Heather… used to be evil.

I remember how I used to think that those days were pure crap. I remember how Trent and I used to hang out together. I remember how he used to write songs for me. That memory also comes with the memory of Heather reading my diary in front of the whole viewing world. I used to think that she destroyed me, that she humiliated me like no one else could. I was so naïve, it was adorable. That 'humiliation' could never compare to the way I felt the day I found out that Trevor, my ex boyfriend, cheated on me with practically every girl on campus. I was only 19 when it happened. He even admitted it in front of the whole campus. He even had the gall to say "Hey, maybe f you were a little better in bed, I wouldn't had to look for it somewhere else." I was on the brink of suicide. Duncan saved me from that. I fell in love with him in such a short while.

The time Heather kissed Trent? Yeah, that was mean of her. I thought I could never forgive her for it. But, Trent and I broke up o our own less than two months after that happened. It was all because of that stupid contest. We even tried patching up our relationship, but we just didn't connect. So, we broke it off completely. I was 17 at the time.

The more I thought about it, the more I realize that I have no reason to even be mad at Heather anymore. She changed. I changed. I was happy with Duncan, with my life. No, I AM happy with Duncan, with my life. I would never trade this off for ANYTHING. I had decided, I was going to tell Heather to her FACE that I forgave her, that what happened between us is in the past. Who knows? Maybe a new friendship can begin…

The phone rings. My aunt picks it up. In a little while, her eyes widen. I can see tears coming down her face. Now she is crying. "Auntie, what's wrong!?" She is crying now. She says "That was Paul. It's Heather!! She's. she's…" Now I'm scared. "She's WHAT!!??" My aunt then says, in sobs "She's DEAD!!!!!"

I feel like the world stopped spinning. Like I've been stabbed in the stomach. Dead? But, I knew her. I knew her! I WAS WITH HER!! SHE AND I WERE ON THE SAME TEAM!!! SHE AND I WERE ON THAT SHOW!!! WE WERE TOGETHER!!!! WE WALKED BESIDE EACH OTHER!!! WE SAT AT THE SAME TABLE!!! WE HATED EACH OTHER!!!!!! I hated her. And I was willing to give her a second chance. I was going to forgive her. I was going to offer her my friendship. And now…

I look at Megan. That sweet girl is now looking out the window. And it hits me. That girl has just lost her mother. And I just can't help but cry…


	2. Chapter 2

Retrospective

**Looking Back, I Realize… Though I have failed to achieve most of my dreams, I really am truly happy. **

I hate my job. I really hate my job. Every day, getting in that car, driving down that road, sitting on that desk, it takes away a piece of my soul. I can imagine no worse boss in the world than Courtney. And that Geoff, I can't even look at the guy anymore. I have lost all respect I had for that man.

Why? Why did I choose to become an accountant? Oh yeah, my father forced me to. I didn't want to go to college; I wanted to open up my own bike shop, a motorcycle garage. I was going to be a mechanic. But, my dad wouldn't have any of it. He confiscated the money I had saved for that shop, and threatened to take it all if I didn't go to college. I was still just a minor at the time, and the money WAS in his account, so there was nothing more I could do but to comply. I did so begrudgingly. That was the first disappointment in my life. The second was my definite break up with Gwen.

I dreamt, when I was a teenager, of marrying Gwen. I liked her a whole lot. I thought I even loved her. The first time we broke up it was because that bitch Heather tricked us all into believing that I was cheating on Gwen with her. Though we overcame that hurtle, we could not escape the fact that I got a little carried away in the second part of the contest. Though we tried, we just could not reconnect.

Of course, I'm married now. To Jane, a girl I met in college. We met at freshman year. I was so in love with her, I wanted to marry her as soon as I could. We talked about marrying at 19, but my dad forbade it. He told me to wait until I finished college. Begrudgingly, I did. We married at 21, fresh off of college. A year later, my dad…

At 22, Jane and I had our son. He was born sick. He needed special treatment. The doctors said he might not live past a year. This caused a great strain in my marriage. He lived through the operation, but the doctors said he would never walk.

I'm in a sour mood right now. Ten minutes with Courtney is ten minutes too many. Try being with her for half an hour, checking her company's expenses. The only good thing about this job is seeing Chris McLane squirm under her heel. As I was leaving, I say goodbye to Harold.

I'm at the sidewalk. I walk slowly, so as to savor every moment where I am not at work. I run into Duncan. Normally, we just greet each other, and keep on our ways. But today, he stops me. "Hey Trent, let's go get a coffee."- He says to me. That was my first surprise. The second was noticing his rather somber mood.

At the coffee shop, I ask Duncan- "So, anything wrong?" He simply looks at his coffee, and says- "Remember Heather?"- I say to him "Yeah." I hate the fact that I remember that old witch. I never quite forgave her for what she did. "She's dead, bro."- Was all Duncan said.

Whoa!! What? She died? I never liked her that much, always thinking she was mean and nasty. After what she did with Gwen's diary, she went straight into my 'avoid' list. After what she did to US that day, she made it into my enemies list. I still remember that one time.

Suddenly, a thought had come into my head. I remember now, how quick I was to believe her lies. I believed her when she told me Gwen hated me. Why? Why did I believe her? Heather had a history. I was well aware of that fact at the time. Yet, I didn't question the idea of Gwen saying bad things about me behind my back. I believed Heather, for no real reason. Had I simply confronted Gwen with this information, or better yet, had simply demanded the truth from Heather, I could have avoided all the drama that had unfurled that day. I probably wouldn't have even been kicked off. But no, I was stupid. I believed the word of a liar without question. **I** was responsible for the mess that happened. I can't blame Heather entirely.

My relationship with Gwen had ended because we had little to nothing in common. I know that. I just didn't like the things she liked. So, we broke up. I now realize that that relationship simply didn't work. You can't force love, you let it grow on its own.

I never knew love until I met Jane. Jane is smart, funny, sweet. She was very supportive of me, and she is so independent too. That's not even mentioning the fact that she's incredible to look at. And I never would have met her if not for my dad.

I resented my dad for crushing my dream. I resented him even more when he forced his way into my life. But, I now realize that, all he was doing was looking out for me. I realize now that that dream, of a bike shop, was nothing more than a fantasy. I was capable of so much more. If not for my dad, would I be as financially secure as I am now? My job was what paid for my son's treatment. And…

My dad died two years ago. He had developed a hernia for a while, which he simply didn't treat. My dad had used up all he had saved on my college fund. So, it was up to me to give him the surgery which would extend his life, if only for a few more weeks. He said to me- "I wish I could have seen my grandson, if only once." My son was born as at the seventh month of Jane's pregnancy. First thing we did, was rush my dad over to the special nursery they had for premature children. I pointed to my son. My dad smiled, and said "Thank you Trent." He died one month after that.

My son was said to be incapable of living past age one. Today, that child is age 2 and 3 months. He can't walk yet, but he is fairly energetic. He eats a lot nowadays. He is an otherwise healthy child.

I am astonished. The news of Heather's death prompted me to take a second look of my life. Wow. I make a great salary, benefits and all. I have a beautiful wife. I have a healthy son. I live comfortably. And now that I think about it, my job's not THAT bad. Of course, there's Geoff and Courtney, but there's also Sadie.

Sadie started her own ice cream parlor. I help her out with her taxes, her numbers and stuff. Unlike Courtney, she actually treats ALL her employees with respect. With my help, she turned that one ice cream parlor into a chain. It is now one of the top 20 ice cream businesses in all Canada. I helped with that.

Wow, my life is good. I can't believe this. All this time, I have been feeling angry over having followed this road in life. But, I now realize, it was the right decision. And I am glad I have chosen this walk of life.


	3. Chapter 3

Retrospective

**Looking Back, I realize… I Have Dedicated My Life to Creating an Empire of Dirt**

Warning: Drug use and Profanity.

I'm on top of the world. I have a gorgeous mansion. I own no less than 15 cars. I have the hottest woman on the planet as my wife. I have sex at least twice a day. I have at least 65 films in my acting portfolio. I am the most sought after star in this business. I got all the coke, blow and weed I could ever want. I'm untouchable by the forces of the law. I am the KING.

Every day is a nonstop party. We got all the booze, all the alcohol a guy could ever want. I am worth over 60 million dollars. Yep, life is sweet to me.

"Geoff, baby, I think I'm a little lightheaded."- said Andrea. That's my wife. Those boobs of hers? They were a gift from me for her birthday. They cost me 12 thousand dollars. But they were worth it. Nothing like grabbing a double D cup while doing business, I say. "Ugh! Andrea, wipe that blood off your nose! It's disgusting! You are embarrassing me in front of all my guests!!!!"- I scream at her. She's been doing coke again without me. She's going to overdose some day, I swear.

The party is at full swing here. I looked at my clock. DAMN!!!! Trent will be here in 12 minutes. Guess there's no time for that pot…

I welcome Trent into my house, but he just sneers at me. Asshole. He thinks doing porn is bad? Hey, gets me paid! And I get paid real well. That's about the main reason I hire that guy, to keep track of that money.

"Kay, we are almost done here…"- He says. Finally!!! I can't wait to get wasted, I hate being sober. Because, when I'm sober, I remember things… "Hey, got some news for ya. Remember Heather?"- Do I remember her? Hell yeah!!!! Always wanted to fuck her. In fact, I kinda hoped she had joined the business as well. Man, our sex scene would have been the hottest in this industry's history. "Yeah, what about her?"- I ask. "She's no longer with us."-He tells me. "Huh? Dude, be clear."- I reply. He looks at me, and says- "She died. Just yesterday."

Huh? Dead? Shit, man, shit… There went my dream of fucking the hottest chick back at summer camp. No, second hottest. The hottest was… Enough!!!! I gotta hit that bourbon.

"Who the hell drank all the booze!!!?"- I scream. "(hick!) I did!!!"- giggles Amanda Lee. She was my costar for seven of my movies. She was pretty good, actually. But now… "Where's my coke?"- I ask no one. I go to my room, to find Andrea sniffing it all up. "Damn It!!!"- I scream. There's no more drugs. I can't go on like this. I gotta go pick up some liquor.

So, Heather's dead huh? Easy come, easy go. That's what I always say. I drive to my nearest liquor store. WAIT!!!! I'm not allowed in there anymore. DAMN!!!!! I remember the first time I noticed I wanted to fuck Heather. It was in Camp Wawanakwa. Home School had been kicked out the day before. Heather was in the shower. I had discovered a peeping hole in the communal showers. That's when I saw her legs. I saw her backside too. Then, I saw her boobs. Right then and there, that's when I made that discovery. After that day, she was the second girl I thought most about when jacking off. First was…

GAH!!!!! I need to find my coke dealer. GODDAMN!!!!!!!!!!!! There's Duncan, arresting him. Bastard. Let people sniff!!! If they want to kill themselves doing it, that's their problem! I remember… Bridgette. I was so in love with her. She was the coolest chick ever. WAS being the key word. I got in the business to help her out. Pay for her college fund. But, when she found out, she couldn't even look at me anymore. My EX-best buddy DJ took her with him. I don't care anymore.

I need some booze. I can't be sober… I remember… Gwen. I WAS her friend. But, she just couldn't get it in her head. I needed the ratings for my TV show. Her little breakup with Trent made for awesome TV. Her suffering made for even better TV. I was just doing my job.

I go to the nearest bar. I remember… Home School. He stood by me. When I told him about my new 'job', he stood by me. When I told him about my new 'habits', he tried to get me to change, but he stood by me. When I asked him to get me some coke, he said no. I beat the shit out of him in my drunken rage. After that, he was no longer by my side.

DAMN!!! CLOSED!!!!! I remember… Justin. He was my porn buddy. We did some films together. We even had our first boy on boy sex scene together. It was hot. We partied together too. In fact, this one time, we had so much blow, we had sex with each other without any cameras rolling. It was one of the best I never remember. Then, one day, Justin had a little too much blow. He got spooked by some sky zombie, and I haven't talked to him since. He has tried talking to me, but, I don't talk with traitors.

AAAARRRRRRGGGHHH!!!! I NEED WEED!!!! COCAINE!!!!! HEROIN!!!!! ANYTHING TO KEEP ME FROM GOING SOBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I remember… Heather. And Beth. And Lindsay. And Tyler. And Gwen, Duncan, Owen, Harold, LeShawna, Ezekiel, Noah, Cody, Katie, Sadie, Eva, Izzy, Justin, Courtney, Trent… Bridgette and DJ. They were my friends. My fellow campers. My cast mates. They were there during that great summer. I loved that summer.

I remember… Myself. I used to be a good guy. Used to be respectable. I used to be fun to hang around with. I used to be liked. I used to treat people like they deserved to be treated. Where did I go wrong?

I did my first porn so I could get the money. I needed that money, so I could give it to Bridgette. She wanted to go to college, but she couldn't afford it. When I told her where I got the money, she looked at me with hatred in her eyes. No… it wasn't hatred. It was… hurt? Was she hurt at how I got her the money? Oh yeah, I remember her comparing me to a whore. I remember her crying while she said that. Damn…

I was so angry; I went to Amanda Lee's house. To this day, I have no idea why I went there, specifically. But, I think it was because she was the first girl I ever had sex with in my career. I went to her house, and she gave me my first helping of cocaine. It felt good. Next thing I know, Bridgette was right there, crying her eyes out. She saw me and Amanda right there, on the floor, having sex. That was the last time I saw Bridgette.

I should not be sober. I start hating myself when I'm sober. I need something to get me outta this state. I gotta get drunk. I gotta get high. Maybe I can go to the pharmacy, buy myself some meds. If I mix a few cold pills, cough pills and laxatives, I should be able to get myself buzzed.

There's a gas station. Maybe they have beer. I get in, and some memories start coming back to me. I met Andrea in a gas station. She was the owner's daughter. I could tell her daddy was a little into incest, the way he looked at her. I told her all about the industry. She so wanted in. We got married that afternoon. We made at least 18 movies together. The girl's a freak in the bed. I also kind of hate her. I know I don't love her. Matter of fact, I don't even think the sex is that great at all. But, then again, I need a few shots of liquor just to get me in bed with her, so most of the time we do it, I'm wasted either way.

They have beer. Good. I buy about ten bottles. The guy doesn't even care. I take them all, and I drink while I'm driving. But, no sooner do I finish my first; I almost crash into a tree. I'm fine, but my car's totaled.

I just drank the last of my beer. But, I still feel sober. I fact, I feel like vomiting. I think I'm passing out. I think I had too much. I can see Heather now. "Heather?"- I say to her. "Hey Geoff, what did you get out of life?"-she says to me. And for some reason, I just can't help but say- "A kingdom of dirt, and a crown of shit."

I think I can hear Justin's voice calling out to me…

**Author's clarification: Geoff is NOT dead.**


	4. Chapter 4

Retrospective

**Looking Back, I Realize… You and I, all we did was perpetuate a vicious circle of hate that either of us could have stopped at any moment.**

Here I am, cleaning the house _again._ That's my daily routine: get up, cook breakfast, clean up, go shopping for groceries, come home, clean some more, cook dinner, watch TV, go to bed. I'm a housewife, something I would never have imagined myself being when I was a teen. And, well… that's the life I chose. It's not so bad. My husband gets paid well, he treats me right. The neighborhood's nice and all. Yeah, life is pretty good to me.

I'm not one of those 'always at home' housewives. I actually volunteer my weekends at the homeless shelter. Hey, I gotta give back to society, ya know? If I don't do that, well… I start feeling useless. Man, I remember when I was a teen, I felt like a large and powerful woman. I was big, loud and bootilicious. Hell, I STILL got it going on. I can't keep my husband off me, not that I'M complaining.

My husband, Harold, has got to be the sweetest man alive. I admit, he's not much to look at, and he CAN be a little eccentric. But, he treats me RIGHT. He treats me like a queen, a rarity these days. Momma always told me, 'when you find a man that treats you right, KEEP HIM.' She was right. Man that summer when we met was one of the best of my life, only ruined by…

I stop myself from thinking about those people. Thinking about THOSE guys makes my blood boil. And I can't have that, I'm a saved woman. Me and Harold ALWAYS attend church, every Sunday. Man, when that good reverend preaches, he brings the HOUSE down. Hallelujah! But, sometimes I just can't help but thinking about THOSE jerks. Grr, Chef Hatchet, Chris, Noah, Courtney… Heather. Man, that last one REALLY ticks me off. But, like I said, I try to keep away from bad thoughts. I'm a saved woman.

Man, I ought to go shopping for those groceries about now. I get dressed, because I ain't got no reason to be showing up at no store dressed like a housewife. I gotta be presentable, know what I'm saying?

Well, here I am, at the store. And who's that I see at the corner? Is that Duncan? Hell boy, that boy look… down. Man, what's up with him?

"Duncan?"- I say to him- "What's wrong?" He looks at me, and says- "Why you ask?" Geez, Duncan, let me think! Maybe I'm concerned about you? Or Gwen? But, all I say to him is- "You just look so down on the dumps, and I want to know if something's wrong." He just kind of looks away for a while, as if thinking. "Well, yesterday, Gwen left for Newfoundland. You know that, right? Well, I just received a call from her… Remember Heather?" OH! He just HAD to remind me of her! That girl makes my blood boil! "Yeah…"-is all I say to him. I can't even mask the poison from my voice. My hatred for that girl is NO secret.

"Hey, remember when we were on that damned show?"- He asks me all of a sudden. Wait, we were talking about Heather! Oh well, thank God that boy switched topics. Still… "Duncan, I hated my time there. I mean, the food, the cabins, the challenges, my elimination… Heather…"- I can't even keep myself from searing upon saying that name. He just kind of looks at me, something's on his mind. "It wasn't that bad. I mean, you met Harold, and Gwen and Bridgette there."- He says. Yeah, that IS true. Still…

"Hey, I got a question for you. Was Heather really as bad as we remember her?"- WHAT KIND OF STUPID QUESTION IS THAT!? All I can say to the boy is- "Whoa! What's with the questions, Duncan?" He fidgets a little. Something has disturbed him. What can it be? He then says- "Well, it's just… I've been thinking about her recently, about all the things she did… maybe she wasn't as bad as we painted her to be…" I am surprised to hear that. "Explain."- I say to him.

"Well… all she ever did was read Gwen's diary, kiss Trent… Ever wonder why she did that?"- He says. "NO! She did it because she wanted Trent to get kicked out!"- I respond. "No, I don't think so. I mean, we never really bothered to get the truth from her. And the only reason Trent got kicked out was because WE voted him off. And we did it for a real stupid reason. I mean, what made us all think that Trent would cheat on Gwen… with ANYONE?'- He says. Yeah, I remember feeling bashful when I found out the truth. I mean, I got Trent kicked off, when he was innocent of foul play. I mean, what if I HAD confronted him BEFORE forming an alliance against him and Heather? Maybe… I don't know. But, I STILL say what happened that time was ALL Heather's fault.

"Hey, you know, we ALL hated Heather back then… but… she didn't really do much to most of us personally."- Says Duncan- "In fact, I would say that the only people that had any right to bearing a grudge against her were Gwen, Trent, Lindsay, Beth and Tyler." I'm shocked. "Whoa, whoa, whoa!!! We ALL had good reason to hate her! She was one heck of a snob! She acted like she was all high and mighty! She held respect for NO ONE!"- I tell him. He nods his head, and then says- "Yeah… but we gave her more flack than she deserved." Okay, NOW I'm shocked. He continues- "Now that I think about it... Why DID you hate her so much? I mean, what did she ever do to YOU?"

My blood is on fire now. "I told you! She was EVIL!"- I say. Now I'm raising my voice. He continues—"But, what did she DO? WHEN did you start hating her?" I remember the MOMENT I hated her. It was during our very first challenge. Yeah… "That damn cliff dive. I mean, that old hag was SO uncooperative! I mean, the sole reason we won was because I pushed her off that cliff!!"- I say. He shakes his head, and says- "WHY did you push her?" I'm MAD now- "Cuz she wasn't COOPERATING!" He then puts his hand on his chin, and asks- 'What if… you had simply left her alone? You know, NOT push her?"

I start with- "Well, we would have lost, and had to kick one of our own out." It hit me, right then and there. HAD I never pushed her off that cliff, we would have lost. We would have voted off the island. We would have voted… HER off. SHE would have been voted off. SHE wouldn't be there anymore… to read Gwen's diary… to conspire against Justin… to call us names… to try to break up Gwen and Trent… to betray and humiliate Lindsay and Beth. It hits me. In many ways, I'M responsible for all those things too. Though indirectly, I am responsible.

I think back to that summer. Yeah, she was mean… and so was I. She called us names… and I called HER names. I threw food at her… gave her dirty looks… always wanted to see her get kicked off. I wanted her off the Island since day 1. In fact, on EVERY opportunity I had to vote someone off, there were only, like, three or four times I DIDN'T vote for her. Yeah, that time we kicked out Noah, Cody, and Beth… Maybe when I voted Eva off. That's it. She used dirty tricks, and so did I. She lied to get what she wanted, and… so did I. I lost much of my right to criticize Heather that one time I lied to my team… I never gave that girl a second chance. I always felt she never deserved it. But… I gave Justin a second chance, and HE turned out a changed man. Why can't it be the same for Heather? I mean, what would happen if I stepped away, put the past behind me… and gave that girl a second chance? I mean, she COULD have grown to become some gold digger woman… or…

"Hey Duncan. Why did you ask me this all of a sudden? Did you want me to rethink everything or something?"- I ask him. He says- "Well, LeShawna, I told you. Gwen called from Newfoundland. Turns out, Heather moved there too. Next door to Gwen's aunt. She got married and had a kid." I don't know why, but then I say- "So, how is she?" He looks to the floor, lifts his gaze, and says to me- "She, well, she died."

I will never forget those words. And I will never forget how shocked I felt upon hearing them. Now there are NO second chances for me to give to her. There are NO opportunities for me to say to her that I was willing to put the past behind me. And now, I feel like I have failed EVERYONE. That I even failed God Himself, for being unable to forgive and move on… for allowing my pride to blind me from the fact that, when all was said and done, she and I differed in very little. I fed and bred a circle of hate, and I could have put an end to it long ago. And I didn't.


	5. Chapter 5

Retrospective

**Looking Back, I Realize… Were we ever truly your friends?**

**Author's Note: This chapter is told in the third person.**

A child was crying in the kitchen. She sat at a little booster table whilst her mother prepared for her a warm bottle of formula. The child hungered for food, something the mother knew quite well. How does a mother know when a child is hungry, if all they do is cry? A well honed maternal instinct is all that is capable of differencing a child's cry if the child is angry, hungry, scared or feeling alone. And Lindsay had quite the maternal instinct.

Lindsay was keeping an eye on the baby bottle. She looked at her watch, and said- "It's time Bethany! Time for ba-ba!" Before Lindsay fed the child her formula, she allowed a drop to fall into her palm. Feeling it too hot for the child, she says- "Umm, ba-ba too hot for baby. We are just going to wait a few minutes, okay?" Bethany was starting to cry again, so Lindsay started rocking her back and forth. "Oh! Guess what baby? Aunty Beth is coming over! Ooooh, you like that, don't you?"- said Lindsay, cooing. Baby Bethany was not crying as much now. "Want me to sing you a lullaby?"-asked Lindsay. Bethany simply looked at her mother as she began to sing-"Baa baa black sheep have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full! One for my master, one for his Dave, and one for the little boy who lives in a lane!"

The doorbell rang. "Ooh! I think that's Beth! C'mon baby, let's say hello!"-said Lindsay. Beth stood at the door, and immediately smiled at her Goddaughter. "Hey, little Bethany! How are you?"- She said to the child. Beth looks at Lindsay, and says- "Ready to go?" Lindsay looks at Bethany, and says- "Wait, I gotta feed little Bethany first." Lindsay rubbed her stomach, that maternal instinct kicking in again. "Wow, how's Cody taking the news?"-asked Beth. 'Oh, you know Cody! He is just so excited to be a daddy again! He's hoping for another girl!"-Replied Lindsay, as she fed Bethany. "What about you? You want a boy, or a girl?"-Said Beth. "Ummm, oh! Definitely a boy. That way, I can have the whole set!"- was Lindsay's answer. Bethany had finished her bottle. "Okay, I'm ready."-said Lindsay. Beth drove her to the doctor.

Lindsay went to get her sonar. Beth waited in the hall with Bethany. "Oh, boy, Bethany! You are going to be a big sister soon!!! You're so luckyyyy…"-said Beth. She lightly tickled Bethany. Having a child in her arms awakened something within her. Her own maternal desires were growing. "I wish I could have a baby too. That way, you could have a god-brother or sister. But to do that, I need a husband…"-Beth said, her sadness flowing freely in her voice. Though Beth was a successful motivational guru, she had yet to marry. She had written five books…and gone on two dates since she was sixteen. Since…the Island. Her book signings are always guaranteed packed events… and her love life is but an empty ballroom. She eyes the waiting room…and she sees a familiar face-"Justin?"

Justin had a grievous look on his face. He looked like he had the world on his shoulders, that he was responsible for every child alive that was dying of hunger, of disease…of sorrow. "Justin?"-Beth approached him. Justin looks at her, and he becomes more grieving. "Beth… I'm sorry…for what I did to you…"-is all he could say. Beth had long forgiven Justin for his sins against her. In fact, everyone did… except Justin himself. Beth asked him-"What are you doing here?" Justin kept on looking at the floor, his gaze fixated on nothing physical. He said-"He's dying…and she's dead. I failed to bring them…to Him…"

Beth was scared now. "Who's dying? Who's dead!?"- She said in a panic. "Geoff…he had too many drinks…overconsumption…we are losing him…God be with them both…"-Justin's voice was breaking up now. He was struggling now to just keep himself together. "Geoff!!!??? My God…"- was all Beth could say. "He saw her, Heather…he saw her while he was…leaving us…"-said Justin, tears in his eyes. "Heather!!!??? Wouldn't it make more sense for him to see his wife!? Or…"-Beth trailed. She knew of THAT particular chapter. It was a sad thing to remember. Geoff had fallen out of favor with the rest after that incident. Only Justin and Ezekiel kept urging him away from his lifestyle. Eventually, it was just Justin.

"I…all this time I tried…to get him to stop…I tried to give him the Good News…"-said Justin, his eyes recounting the sins of his past- "He's dying…" Beth placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Bethany was fidgeting a little. The concept of death still eluded the young innocent. "Bethany, want to see if mommy is done?"

At that moment, Lindsay was happily coming back from the sonar. "Beth, Bethany! It's going to be a girl!"-she said happily. Beth wanted to squeal in delight, but the news that Justin had given her had sapped a good deal of her joy. She worried for Geoff. "Lindsay… I saw Justin. He's given me some bad news."-was all Beth could say. Lindsay took Bethany in her arms, and they both went to Justin. He was with his wife, Christine.

"Oh…hey Lindsay."-said Justin. His head was down. Christine held his hand in support. "Justin…it's not your fault. You tried with all your zeal to get Geoff away from that lifestyle. Not even the best evangelists could have done what you tried to do. He… Justin…He of his own volition rejected the Good News,"- said Christine. "Justin? What's wrong with Geoff?"-asked Lindsay. Justin explained everything. Lindsay's eyes bulged out. Though, she admitted, she hated what he became…she didn't want him to die.

"Oh my God… I don't want him to die…I don't want anyone from TDI to die!"-cried out Lindsay. Justin hung his head even lower. "I'm sorry Lindsay…we've already lost one of our own."-said Justin. Lindsay and Beth gasped. Both were too afraid to ask…"Heather. She's passed on."-was all Justin could say. Beth and Lindsay just stood there, absorbing this information. Then it hit them, and it must be admitted, they were not as sad at this loss as they would be had it been someone else. But, they were still sad.

"My God…she's gone…"-said Lindsay. Beth said-"Wow…I mean… I never wanted THAT to happen to her…" Lindsay looked over at Bethany, and said- "I remember the day we all met… I was a little scared of her from the get go." Beth nodded, and said-"She was so pretty, all I wanted was her friendship…I was desperate for it."

Lindsay kept thinking, and said-"During the second season, there were times I wished I had never met her. And I was sort of glad when all that bad stuff happened to her. Wow…I can't believe I thought like that… She was bad and all…But…" Beth interrupted her-"I joined that alliance with you guys just because, well…you two were so pretty…I just wanted some friends…I wanted to fit in… To be in the same group as the two prettiest girls on the island…" Lindsay looked away, and said- "She used us…" Beth looked down, and said-"Just a little more than we used her…let's be honest Lindsay...we both just wanted to get to the final three. Even me…I was naïve enough to believe her. I think, at first, she actually believed we would ALL get to the final three. She would not have had much competition THEN, would she?" Beth kept thinking, and said-"She used me…but…she never insulted me for my looks."

Lindsay said-"Huh?" Beth looked on, and said-"She was one of the few popular girls to NOT make a snide remark about my looks. She never called me pig girl… Never called me metal mouth…She just used me. She was not nice but…she was not the total bitch we made her out to be…" Lindsay's eyes were starting to water. "I was so mad that day, the day of the bike race…I cursed her out. I think she was meaner to me than she was to you. I… I never bothered to even consider that until now. Why me? Why was she so much meaner to me than to you? Maybe she hated me…"-she said, her eyes turning red from the tears. Beth simply sat at the bench, memories of days that will never return going by her mind. "She trusted you to keep an eye for Gwen while she searched for her Diary."-She said- "She wanted to embarrass Gwen so badly. I never asked her why she did that. None of us did. She hated Gwen for no reason. She…hated us all… for no reason… No, maybe she had a reason. Now that I think about it, I didn't know her that well."

Lindsay was crying softly, while Beth was just staring into space. "If… you could say anything to her…what would you tell her?"-asked Lindsay, breaking the silence. Beth thought about it, and said-"Nothing. I would just ask her about herself, and I would listen to what she had to say. Something none of us ever even tried to do." Beth was now starting to get teary eyed.

"We… we were never truly her friends. I've known that…ever since I got kicked off the island. But now I…I think that… it was from both sides that an illusion of friendship was made."-Said Beth-"We used her…almost as much as she us. No, just as much, she was just more open about it. I…we never cared about her like a friend… She was just our ticket to 100 grand." Beth's tears were flowing freely across her face, as where Lindsay's.

"I hated her. I hated how she treated me like garbage."-Said Lindsay, crying her heart out-"I hated her. I miss her!" Beth was drying off her tears, and said-"Me too. I wish…we could have had a second chance. Maybe…we could have made a real friendship." Little Bethany was cooing. Maybe it was an attempt to soothe her mother's sorrow. Across the hallway, Justin was making an important call.

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	6. Chapter 6

**Retrospective**

**Looking Back, I Realize… I have much to regret. **

I am Courtney Singh. I am a monster, and I am proud to be one.

"Harold McGrady, report to my office on the double,"-I say in my icy tone. I am not ashamed of the fact that ONE word from me is capable of sending chills down the spines of all my employees. I am not ashamed of the fact that they fear me. As well they should.

"You did not report yesterday for work. Need you be reminded you also work the weekends?"-I say to the man that once cheated me out of a hundred grand. The irony being that, with what I make, that's chump change for me, and a year's worth of pay for him, bonuses and all.

"Well, boss, I told you. I had to attend a funeral,"-says the lout. I HAD received an invitation, The lout gave it to me. I immediately disposed of it. Who has time for funerals, when you could be making money and succeeding?

"Now, Harold, who's death is important enough, that you had to skimp out on work?"-I say to him. I'm a bitch, and I am not ashamed to admit it. In fact, I wear the label like a badge.

"Heather. She died,"-he says.

"Just a Heather? Mr. McGrady, you are expected to come to work daily, and ONLY an emergency exempts you,"-I say to him.

"Heather was a dear friend! Besides, I gave my notice. In fact, I even sent YOU an invitation!!"-he says to me. He dares raise his voice. There went his Christmas bonus.

"I don't know any Heathers. That's why I did not bother showing up,"- I respond to him. I don't like the look he's giving me. Careful Harold.

"From the show!? Remember!? She was the one who read Gwen's diary!!"- he nearly yells at me. He just lost twelve of his accumulated vacation days.

"Oh, her. Yeah, she was a bitch. I remember her now. World's better off without her,"-I say. I give Harold this look. I am almost DARING him to say what he has in mind. I WANT him to call me a bigger bitch. I WANT him to lose control. I WANT him to give me a reason to completely destroy him.

Instead, he seems to be recollecting himself. He straightens his tie, clears his throat, and says- "She is survived by a husband and daughter. I saw them at the funeral. The husband seemed…kind of dead. Like he had lost all reason to live. I saw the daughter all by herself before my wife and I left. Poor kid. I think she was, like, three years old. You know, you say the world's better off without her, but there are two people in this world who have lost someone who obviously meant the world to them,"

Damn it. I wanted him to loose control. I wanted to do to him what I did to Chef. I am proud of that achievement. He called me a bitch when I was starting out in the company. I climbed that ladder. Once I was above him, I struck vengeance. I fired him. I closed his bank account. I ruined any chances he had of getting another job in the business. I hear he works part time in a school cafeteria. I laugh every time I think about that.

I order Harold to leave. He stands up, and begins to walk away. Halfway out my office door, he says- "She would have felt sorry for you,"

That's it. He's lost his job. His bank account? Gone. His retirement fund? I'll use it to buy a twelfth yacht. His house? He's about to learn to call a cardboard box a Mansion. He is DEAD.

So, you feel sorry for me, huh Heather? Don't. I make over 100 million Euros a year. I am THE youngest CEO in the world. I am one of the most powerful women in the Americas, just below United States President Sarah Palin(1).

Don't feel sorry for ME, Heather. I can decide the fate of millions of workers. If I feel like it, I can outsource, leaving thousands of Canadian workers to go find much lower wages elsewhere. The power I wield over politicians is unheard of.

Don't feel sorry for ME, Heather. I live in a glorious pent house. I own a few mansions, but I like my penthouse, with it's beautiful view of the Toronto skyline. It costs me 50 grand a year in mortgage. Chump change, ha ha ha.

You may well say 'karma will get you'. I am a karma Houdini. I get away with every thing. I destroyed Chef, and got away with it. I turned Chris into a broken man, and I got away with it. I make untold lives miserable, and I get away with it. I prioritized money over human lives, and not once have I been charged by the piper. And soon, I will ruin Harold. And I will get away with it.

Karma? It's for the little people. Like YOU. You cheated. You betrayed. You humiliated. You paid. You paid by losing all your pride, all your beauty, all you ever held in value. You paid with your future, and led a horrible, lonely life…

SHUT UP!!!!!!! Harold lied about that husband and kid. You couldn't have had a husband OR a daughter. You are a cheap whore, a Paris Hilton Lite. YOU are the kind of person who gets bad karma. You betrayed your friend…in a contest that encourages betrayal. You humiliated another person remorselessly. Granted… That bitch… she stole him…

Heather, you were stupid. We all hated you. You deserved that hatred. Any loneliness you must have felt is just life charging for your earthly sins. You are certainly in Hell, where you belong.

GO AWAY, YOU FREAK!!!!! I told you billions of times, there's no room for you!!!!

………………………………..............................................................................................................................................................................................Damn.

You goddamned bitch. You were given everything. Life gave you a silver spoon. And you were nothing more than a brat. A child that had just been given an expensive toy, and threw a tantrum over it not being the color she wanted. That is what you are. You had been given a wealthy family. You knew, from birth, you would not need to work a day in your life. Bitch.

You… bitch.

You had everything I wanted all along. I worked my ass off for my wealth; you were born into it. To get were I am today, do you know what I did??? I SUCKED CHRIS' DICK!!!!!!!!! He…took advantage of me…I let him…I climbed ladders…and when the day came when he was finally beneath me….I destroyed him.

You didn't have to go through that. You already had everything.

Why you!!!??? Why were you born into wealth??? WHY DID YOU GET TO KEEP YOUR CHILD!!!!!!!!?????

I had a child too. Chris was the father. I never told him, though. But…there wasn't any room for it in my life. I had it aborted… (sob) You don't know what it's like! I see it every day!! It's ghost haunts me!!! It keeps asking me if I have any room!! I don't have any room!!! There's only enough room for me!!!

Why did your husband stay with you??? Why did he love you? I threw Duncan away. You kept your man. You…You had room in you life for both, right? Your husband and daughter…

I hate you…

You had everything I ever wanted. And you left it all behind.

**(third person narrative)**

Courtney was on her office floor, crying her eyes out. She believes she sees something out of the corner of her eye. To her, it looks like a small, bluish haze.

She sits up, wipes away her tears, stretches her arms out as if to make a hug, smiles deliriously and says- "Okay…I can make room for you…I can make room…"

1- Judging her as a woman, Sarah Palin is one sexy momma. I say that with all due respect to her husband, her daughters and the lady herself. As a politician, I must say, she fails to impress as much. Now, I'd LIKE to believe that a woman with a political record like hers could never be held seriously as a candidate for US presidency…then again…the US had re-elected George W. Bush willingly.


	7. Chapter 7

Retrospective

**Looking Back, I Realize… I could have been a better person. I should have been a better person. Instead, I chose to be a terrible person, one who delighted in your humiliation. And now, I can't amend myself…**

Today, I saw my sister for the last time. There she was, in a coffin, hours away from being buried six feet on the ground. She died about a week ago, or so I'm told. Today, I said goodbye to Heather Slate nee Winslow. She was my sister. You may remember her from this terrible reality show called Total Drama Island. It is my hope that you don't. Please…let me remember my sister…

I can't… I don't have many good memories of her… When I was eleven, I saw my sister as some kind of skank. She always dressed as some whore, with those short shorts, those tiny tops, those high heel shoes. I never asked her why. Had I been able to ask her…had I wanted to ask her…

When I was twelve, I was so glad that she was leaving for that stupid show. I had actually bet against her. Hell, I bet she was going to be the first to be eliminated. I watched, every week, telling myself 'She is so gone from this show'. I watched. Damn it, I laughed at every moment of her misfortune.

Why did I hate her? Because I was a brat. It's ok. I admit it. I was a brat. A miserable, undeserving brat. I was spoiled. I was raised with credit cards, posh schools, the works. She and I were a lot alike. I teased her because it felt so… good. I think back to those days, I want to vomit…

There's Justin. He was the one who told me about this. About my sister's…

"Hey, Justin,"- I greet him.

"Damien. I am so sorry for your loss,"-he says to me. I can always count on him to help me in these troubled times.

"Damien, I wish I could say I know how you feel. But… you have my deepest condolences,"- Justin's wife says to me. She's very pretty, and she is a good woman. Justin is quite lucky. Heather… I wish… I wish you and I had these people in our lives, when we were still together…

When you and I were together, Heather… we did not get along. You called me a worm, I called you a frog. You always yelled at me, got me in trouble. I always yelled at you, got you in trouble. Remember that time, Heather, when I put a frog in your purse? You were going to the mall, with those hot girls you hug out with. I managed to scare them all. Those girls Heather… those girls you hung out with, I managed to track one of them down. Remember Leona? She died. She was killed by this dude, this psycho ex teacher. She was only 19 at the time, Heather, only 19. She didn't deserve that. No one does… Remember Reggie? Saw her a week ago. She said '20 bucks a quickie'. She… why? Why do so many girls fall this way? What about you, Heather? What happened to you?

Mom and dad… look at them. We never really thought much of them, huh? When you were still with us, Heather, mom and dad were not good people. Mom cared so much about looks, appearances, money. She taught us all about the joy of money. Dad, he cheated on mom, left and right. He cheated on her with a bartender, some wannabe actress, and my third grade teacher. Remember that? Did mom and dad ever care about anything other than money before you left? Nowadays, Heather, if you saw them, you would not recognize them. They are different people, Heather. Mom and dad, they are better people. Maybe… underneath all that materialism, they DID care more about us than themselves.

That was the worst day ever. Mom and dad, they left as soon as they got that message from that McLane dude. It said, 'Show has ended, please come pick up your son/daughter/minor under you guardianship.' It was such a cold message. Mom and dad did not seem TOO eager to go pick you up. But they went. They went themselves. I was kind of shocked, I thought they'd send the chauffeur. They were gone a few days… You were nowhere to be found.

We thought you had been kidnapped. We thought someone… we saw what you did on TV. Well, Mom and dad stopped watching after about the tenth episode or so. I saw the whole thing. I saw what you did to Trent. I… Did not know how to react. Do I jump for joy, seeing that you had cemented yourself as the biggest bitch in all TV? Do I sneer at you, my own sister, joining the thousands of Heather Haters? Do I applaud you for a game well played? I did not know. Something happened that day. I…

Ultimately, I did not approve what you did. I did not condone it. I condemned it, even. Not because I hated you, but because I thought it was wrong. What went through your mind, that did not allow you to see it that way as well? Did you even care?

What kind of person where you, before you died? Why did you leave us? Where you so scared, so ashamed of what you did, that you couldn't even face your family? Where you so ashamed that you felt it necessary to leave us, never come back, make us think you were dead?

"Listen, Damien… I talked to Gwen… Umm… You know Heather… may God be with her"-Justin says this while doing the sign of the cross- "She married. She, umm, married this guy, Paul. He's here. I, umm… I think you should talk to him, get up to date with what your sister was up to, before she…" He seemed like he was holding some information from me. Justin is not the most eloquent guy around… but still…

I walk past this skinny red headed guy. His wife, a large black woman is crying her eyes out. Who are these people? Are they also from the show?

A little kid bumps into my leg. He must be around six, at the most. His mom and dad are sitting nearby, a blonde woman and a muscular black man… hrmmm… I suspect the kid might not be his… but this is not the time, or place… The little kid looks at me, he is so serious. I'd find it cute under happier circumstances.

"Jefferson, don't leave my side, honey,"-says his mom. She looks like a wreck. Everyone does, but…

"It's ok, miss,"-I say to her- "He's not bothering me,"

"I'm sorry, It's just… there's so much going on in my life right now… And now this… how did you know Heather?" That surprised me somewhat.

"I'm her brother. How did you know her?"-I asked her.

"Well… we…"- she says, but I cut her off- "Did you meet her at the show?" She nods her head.

"You must be surprised, seeing all these people here who… she did not… when we were together, I mean…"- I know what she means. I must admit, my sister did not leave a good impression on people, especially not on the show- "Sorry, I'm, umm, rambling. My name is Bridgette, yours?"

"My name is Damien. Who is this little guy?"-I ask, pointing at her son.

"This is my son. His name is Jefferson,"- little Jefferson looks at me with those serious eyes. He's got quite the gaze, like he's analyzing me.

"Listen, I know, you must be very busy, and maybe this is not the best time for you, but… thank you for coming. I mean it… It's hard to imagine… she's gone,"- I say. The large man walks up to us.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. We were all together that summer. Sure… she was not the nicest person in the world at the time, but… really, it's not right to just, not say goodbye, you know?"- he says- "Sorry, forgot to introduce myself. I'm Devon Joseph. Just call me DJ. Anyway… shit… kind of makes you think… I mean, back then I didn't think I'd ever attend one of our funerals… at least… not this early.."

I never thought I'd attend your funeral either, Heather. I… in spite of everything… even if we never got along, I never wanted you dead. I never wanted anything bad happen to you. Not of this magnitude.

Wait a minute. Where's Jefferson!!!???

"Mom! Look, this girl says she's lost her dad,"- Jefferson was carrying a little girl's hand. She was crying. Something about her…

"Jefferson! Did you…"- Bridgette composed herself. She seems like a fragile woman, with much emotional baggage- "Good boy, helping others. Mom's proud of you. Umm, DJ, uhh, could you help her out? Find her dad?"

"I'll go with you. I just…"- I can't finish that sentence. I know what it's like, to have a family member lost…

This girl, she looks so, familiar. Why do I feel like this around her? Like she's a part of me, or something?

"Man… Bridge is just… wow"- DJ says.

"She your wife?"- I ask him.

"No… and Jefferson isn't my kid either. His real dad, Geoff, well… he's in the hospital, you know? I saw him yesterday… he…"- I stop him. Damn… I mean damn… this is one hell of a day. I knew, judging from his somber look… Jefferson is going to lose his dad.

"Me and Bridge, man, we tight and all. Actually… I like her, a lot. But… she's going through these tough times… I just feel like she needs a friend more than she needs a boyfriend, you know?"- Wow. If this guy had been my brother… I'd be a different person. Maybe a better person. I can tell, he's a good man.

There's a sad man sitting alone in a bench. The little girl runs to him, screaming 'daddy!!!'. So, that's her dad…

JERK!!! He doesn't even acknowledge his daughter!? I'm going to give him a piece of my mind.

Oh. Oh man. That look on his face. It looks like he just lost everything.

"Megan… what is wrong?"- he says so weakly. It almost sounds like his soul has been sucked out. DJ looks at him with pity. I signal him to go back to Bridgette, I will handle this.

"This your girl?"- I ask him. He looks at me. Damn… I think, this guy is the saddest person in this whole damned funeral. He merely nods. He pats the girl, Megan, on the head. She's crying.

"Daddy, where's mommy?"-she asks. I get a feeling in my stomach. It's almost like, the answer to that question…

"Honey, I told you. Mommy… she's not coming back. Mommy… is gone…"- damn. He is crying. She is crying. Damn it. Damn it all to hell.

Wait a second.

"Uh, you are…?"- I ask. I have to ask. I mean…

"I'm… the husband of the deceased. This is our daughter…"- he says.

No.

No.

No.

Impossible…

"Umm, your wife's name?"- I just need to ask. I can't believe it…

"Her name was Heather Slate nee Winslow,"-he confirms my suspicion.

Heather Winslow. Heather. My sister.

A wife. A mom.

A daughter. A sister.

A woman. Gone from this world. Forever.

"I'm her brother,"- I can't help myself. There I am, crying my eyes out. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you for letting me live to see this day. For allowing me to meet a man to whom my sister must have meant a lot. For allowing me to meet this wonderful niece of mine. Thank you.

But mostly, thank you for letting me know that, at least for a while, my sister was a good woman. Paul told me all about Heather. How she was a devoted mom. How she was a fantastic wife. How she was very well loved by her friends, her work colleagues.

Words can't express the amount of relief, of joy, knowing that in her final years my sister was someone so loved. And yet… I wish she was there with us too. I wish she could have allowed mom, dad, and I into her life. I would have gone. I would have been there too. I would have loved it. I would have loved seeing Megan be born, turn 1, 2, 3 years old. I wish, sister, that you would have allowed us in your life again.

Mom and dad instantly fell in love with Megan. She loved us too, I am happy to say. Paul one day brought her to us, and gave us a letter.

"Can you take care of her for me? I uh, need to do something,"- he says. All sorts of alarms rang off in my mind. Like I needed to tell this guy to stay here, to lay off what he needed to do. I didn't.

That letter read:

Dear Clyde, Susan and Damien:

_I can't take it anymore. I can't live one more day without her._

_Please take good care of Megan for me._

_Paul_

I never saw him again.

Sis, Megan is in good hands. I promise you. I miss you.

I love you, sister.

**A/N: One more to go…**


	8. Chapter 8

Retrospective

Looking Back, They Realize… There is plenty to look forward to. They are no longer children waiting for the day they feel good, they are young people waiting for a chance to make others happy.

**It has been 13 years since Megan had been left at her grandparent's house. She is 16 today. **

**Megan is a 16 year old girl. She has her father's brown eyes, but she looks more like her mother. She looks exactly like Heather, but she is a bit shorter. Her hair is also a bit more feathery, whilst Heather's was more silky. Her face is also slightly rounder. However, her face still retains her mother's Asian features. Whilst Heather was 5'6'', Megan is 5'4''. **

**Megan likes to talk, a lot. She is outgoing and independent. She hates having to ask others for help, and rarely does. She likes outdoor activities. She detests having to dress up, preferring jeans and shirts over any other form of dress. She also dislikes make up. She prefers to keep a natural look. It can be argued, however, that Megan hardly needs make up. **

"**Bye grandma, I'm going out!"-she says to Susan, her grandmother. While Clyde worked Susan stayed at home.**

"**Megan, sweetie! Be back by 8:00. That's when dinner will be ready!"- said Susan. She can hear a rather distant 'Ok!'. She is relieved. She sighs contently. Megan is a good girl.**

**Megan walked over to a hill. She lives in a small town. She is surprised to see her long time crush, Jefferson. Jefferson and Megan are good friends, but Megan's had a crush on the guy since she met him when she was a Freshman in High School.**

**Jefferson is tall, blonde and very muscular. In fact, he resembles his father, Geoff, physically. However, that is the only field in which you will find any resemblance. Jefferson is a dead serious guy, who laughs rarely, and never parties. His eyes are focused, his face always keeps a neutral expression. He likes to dress a bit more conservatively. He hates showing off his chest, always wears long pants, and keeps his hair neatly cut. Also, he does not wear a cowboy hat.**

"**Jefferson!!"-cries out Megan. She is always excited to see him. Jefferson sees Megan, and smiles. It's rare to see him like that.**

"**Hello Megan. It's been a while,"-he says.**

"**Just a few weeks. So, uh… you start college at fall, right?"-she is a bit nervous now.**

"**Yeah. I finally have the money to go,"-he says. He is looking at the town.**

"**Ummm, is the college you picked very far?"-she asks.**

"**No, I chose one close to home. This way, if mom needs me I can go to her rather quickly,"-he says.**

"**How, uh, how far is it?"-she asks. She has her hands behind her back, and she is shyly looking away. A rare thing for her to do, save for when Jefferson is involved.**

"**It's a four hour drive from here to there. I'll be staying there the weekdays, but on weekends I'm planning on coming home,"-he says. Megan looks away, feeling almost sad.**

**It was a sunny day. The sky was a deep blue. The clouds were puffy and white. The Sun shone brightly. It was a beautiful summer afternoon.**

**Megan seemed as if she wanted to hold Jefferson's hand, but she was too shy about it. Instead, she just stood by his side looking at whatever it was he was looking. Jefferson liked having her around.**

"**So, what about you? Learn to drive yet?"-he asks her.**

"**My uncle Damien promised he'd teach me before the Fall. I'm looking forward to it,"-she says- "While I'm at school, I'm gonna get me a job, so I can buy a car! And then…"**

"**And then?"-he inquires. She blushes madly.**

"**I'll be able to visit you…"-she looks away. She is blushing. He frowns.**

"**Don't do that. Listen, it's a four hour drive, ok? Too long for you. You're still sixteen, far too young to be taking such a long trip,"-he says sternly. Her heart sinks a bit.**

"**I… I just want to see you…"-she says weakly.**

"**I know. But…think about your family. Won't your grandparents worry about you? Won't your aunt and uncle worry?"-he says, his voice gets a bit softer- "You're still sixteen. Maybe, when you are eighteen, you will be able to make that long trip by yourself. Besides, we'll see each other on the weekends, ok?"**

**She nods. Still feeling a bit dejected, but she understands what he means. **

"**So, at my job, guess what happened,"-he says.**

"**What?"-she asks.**

"**Bethany, that new freshman, put the moves on me again. I usually just shrug it off, but today, she was being a bit more insistent. She's getting cocky, now that she is starting to resemble her mom more,"-he says, smirking. Yeah, Lindsay is quite the attractive woman.**

"**W-well, umm, Bethany is the most popular girl in school. It's because, umm… she has the largest chest. All the boys stare at her,"-she omits telling him that even some of the teachers stare at Bethany. She didn't want to tell Jefferson that. He gets mad when men act like jerks.**

" **I don't blame them. That girl is starting to blossom,"-he says, chuckling slightly. **

"**Can we please stop talking about this?"-Megan says that a bit more hastily than she intended. Maybe it was her jealousy.**

"**Well now, jealous? Listen, Meg. I know girls your age can be a bit insecure about that subject. Just because a girl has a bigger chest, that does not mean she is automatically the most beautiful woman around. A woman with a smaller chest can also be beautiful"-he says to her. Se begins to blush. She hoped he was saying that about her, specifically. Megan's chest was barely a B cup, whilst Bethany's, though she is two years her junior, was the proud owner of a C cup. And she brags about the fact that her breasts will continue to grow into a DD cup, just like her mom. **

"**Well, that doesn't matter to me,"-she lied- "So uh, anyway… How's your mom?"**

**He grows cold. His stare becomes nearly icy. Jefferson's one true soft spot? His mom.**

"**Mom, she's… quite upset. It's the… Anniversary since the Jackass died,"-he says that last part with utmost venom.**

"**Your…"-Megan stops herself. She knows that's a delicate subject.**

"**Why the hell is she so hung up on that jerk? She LEFT him because he was a HOOKER!!! He was nothing more than an idiot party boy! You want to know how he died? Alcohol poisoning. My 'father', a porn star…"-he is starting to shake in anger. Megan holds his arm, trying to calm him down.**

"**Well, your mom must have cared for him. Why else would she be so upset?"-she tries to reason with him.**

"**Want to know what I do every time I think of my 'father'? I imagine beating the shit out of him. Do you know why my mom is always so depressed? Why she hardly smiles? Because of HIM. I hate him!!! I am GLAD he died!!!"-he shouts. He sees Megan is starting to tear up. His anger vanishes.**

"**No, no, Megan. Don't cry,"-he says to her, trying to calm her down.**

"**I'm sorry, I.. Don't know what came over me,"-she says.**

"**Well… I got carried away. I am sorry,"-he says, holding her in is arms. Megan liked that. She felt so safe in his arms. She allowed herself to feel his heartbeat.**

"**At least you remember your dad. I don't even remember what my parents looked like,"-she says.**

"**You don't?"-he had never known that.**

"**No. They died when I was young. About thirteen years ago, my grandpa says. He says Mom looked like me when she was my age,"-she says.**

"**Don't they have pictures of her? Of your dad?"-he asks.**

"**No. My grandparents don't really tell me much about my dad or my mom. I guess they just don't like talking about it,"-she says, looking away, but still holding on to him.**

"**Weird…"-Jefferson stood in silence. The fact that Megan was still latched onto him had not even registered in his mind until that moment.**

**Megan had let go, though she did not wish to do so. It had been the first time she had managed to feel Jefferson like that. Heck, it was the first time she had gotten THAT level of intimacy with a boy! She hid her face from him, lest he see her blush.**

"**Umm… listen, I'm sorry to have brought up your…"-she says to him.**

"**Don't worry about it, Meg. Thank you for asking about my mother,"-he replies offering a RARE smile.**

"**Didn't your mom have this guy…"-she is too shy to finish that sentence. Odd, considering that Megan is often the kind of girl to never hold in her thoughts, and always speaks her mind.**

"**DJ? Yeah, he's still around…"-Jefferson is deep in thought- "When I needed a father figure he was there. When my mom needed some help, he was there. It's been tough on us both, but DJ's always been there…"**

"**So, umm… does your mom like him? Does DJ like your mom?"-she asks.**

**Jefferson laid deep in thought. He opted to lie down on his back. Megan also decided to lie down and laid her head on his stomach. Jefferson paid no mind to that.**

"**My mom likes him, a lot… One time, she asked me if I'd like the idea of having a step dad… I told her no…"-he begins to burrow his brow, an unhappy memory for him in retrospect- "She was basically asking for my permission to go further in her relationship with DJ. I denied her… I should have told her yes…"**

"**Why did you tell her no?"-Megan asks, concerned.**

"**I guess… I didn't want anyone to do to her what my father did. I know DJ won't do something like that…"-he says, much regret in his voice.**

"**Jeff… I don't think it's too late. In fact… maybe now is the time… you'll be leaving for college…"-she says, her voice reflecting much of her own sadness.**

"**Meg… why are you sad?"-he asks her.**

**She does not answer. She simply looks on at the hills. The sky is getting a bit darker, the sun will set in about an hour or so.**

"**I guess I have to go home soon. I told grandma I'll be home in time for dinner,"-she says, rather sadly. She hated having to leave Jefferson. She treasured every minute with him.**

"**Oh… hey, know what? There were some tryouts for some new reality show at this college I had visited last week,"-he says.**

"**Ugh, reality shows are so lame,"-she says.**

"**Mom and my father met at one such a show. She also met DJ there,"-he says.**

"**Which show was it?"- she asks.**

"**I think it was called 'Total Drama Island', something like that,"-he says.**

"**No, the name doesn't ring a bell,"-she says. She is speaking the truth. Her grandparents never told her of the show.**

**A few minutes passed. It was now 6:49 PM.**

"**Hey Jefferson… what do you think…"-she wanted to ask him what he thought about her.**

"**About?"-he inquired.**

"**About… reality shows,"-she blurted.**

"**I share your opinion. They suck,"-he said.**

"**Umm… in college…"-she began.**

"**Yeah?"-he said.**

"**Will you… be looking for a girlfriend?"-she asked. All her hopes…**

"**No, I doubt it. I don't think I'll have the time to look for one,"-he said**

"**I love you,"-she soon realized what she had said and wished she could take it back.**

"**Huh?"-he was surprised.**

"**Umm,"-too late to take it back- "I… I uh… I like you. A lot. I've liked you for a long time…"**

**Jefferson stood there, in silence. Megan just wanted the earth to swallow her. Why did she blurt that out? She just wanted him to go on and pretend he didn't hear that.**

"**I'll be sincere. I don't have the time for a relationship right now,"-he saw how Megan's face was becoming sadder. His heart sank a bit- "But, I'm flattered that you feel that way."**

"**Umm, I, uh…"-she began to back away- "I have to go home now. Bye." **

**She ran. She didn't want him to see her tears. Jefferson looks down at his feet, frowning…**

**Jefferson went back to his own home. He saw his mother, and DJ at the table.**

"**Honey! I…where have you been? I made dinner for you… Are you hungry? It got cold, but I can reheat it…"-Bridgette was always like this. Seldom does she smile.**

"**Mom… can I talk to DJ… alone?"-asked Jefferson. Bridgette's eyes widened, but she said ok. She left the room, leaving the two most important men in her life to talk.**

"**Hey, DJ… can you do me a favor?'-he asks.**

"**Sure, pal,"-replied DJ, unsure of what he wanted.**

"**Take my mom out to dinner tomorrow. If you don't have the money, I'll spot you. But… take her out, show her a good time, ok?"-Said Jefferson, the young man who, for so long, kept his mom from dating out of fear someone would break her heart again.**

**DJ was speechless. He has waited for so long for the 19 year old man in front of him to give him permission to take Bridgette out on a date. DJ now, finally, had permission to date the woman he loved.**

**Megan cried herself to sleep. **

**In her dream, she was at this island. There seemed to be a summer camp in it. A sign read Camp, and some word she can't quite make out. She began to explore the Island.**

**There were a few people here already. Geoff was playing Frisbee with Owen, while Courtney watched the clear and tranquil lake.**

"**Hey,"-said a voice from behind her. Megan turned around and saw Heather. Heather motioned her to go to the Screaming Gopher cabin.**

"**Something wrong? You look upset,"-she said, concern in her voice.**

"**No, I mean, umm… oh, why did I tell him I love him?"-said Megan, tears in her eyes.**

"**But, you do, don't you?"-asked Heather. She sat beside her, stroking her hair.**

"**I do. I love him,"-she said.**

"**Don't worry, honey. It will all be ok,"-Heather hugs Megan as she says this. The hug feels tender and loving. Megan liked that. **

**Then she woke up**

"**I always dream about that place when I'm upset,"-she says, now sitting in her bed- "Is that girl… my guardian angel? She's so pretty."**

**Jefferson sat in his bed contemplating what he told Megan. He felt a lot of regret. Why didn't he see it before? She has the most beautiful face in the world. Her voice is like that of an angel's. She is sweet and caring, yet tough and independent. She is so down to Earth. She is everything a guy could ask for. **

**She inspired him to allow his mom to finally date DJ. When DJ asked her out, and she saw her son give an approving nod, she smiled. She rarely smiled. Megan helped him do that. And he threw her away.**

**He looks out his window. He stares at the Moon. All he can think about is her. Finally, while facing he Moon, he utters to the wind what he should have told that beautiful girl that evening, what he intends to tell her before the Summer ends:**

"**Megan… I love you too."**

_**Author's note:**_

_**I am done. I have done what I thought I'd never get to do: I closed the book on my Opus, Children waiting for the day. I will be honest, I never intended to write a sequel. But, people asked for it, and I delivered. And I am glad people asked me for it. I wrote Children during a very hard time of my life. I was depressed. And I think, the way I wrote Children reflected that. I was having a hard time with myself… Ironic. My Opus is the brainchild of two circumstances. I said Children was inspired by Paka-Simon-Trevor-Forever's fic 'Stars in the Ceiling'. And that is true, also. But, most of what I wrote I wrote when I felt like dirt. Retrospective began as simply satisfying the people who asked for it. Then, I wrote the LeShawna chapter. It hit me, this fic is more than a sequel. It's a mouthpiece. I used the next two chapters, the Lindsay and Courtney chapters, to showcase the idea that, maybe, Heather does not deserve the hate she gets. And I stand by that. However, this last chapter, I wrote with the intention to express a new idea, concerning my new philosophy in life. Go ahead, guess, because I am not saying.**_

_**I am one hundred percent satisfied with this ending. **_

_**Go ahead, a review is very welcome.**_


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